This post was written by my incredible husband. Thankful he was willing to share his heart.
How little faith I frequently have. Too often, my heart sinks with deep pain over the thought of losing my daughters. Just as I had done before they were born, I have been planning my life or what I believe will happen. You see, we all have created idols in our lives, some- and more than we expect- are created in our subconscious experience. By merely opening our eyes in a fallen world, we are in battle to become like it. I see a father holding his daughter’s hand. While examining patients in clinic, I strike off countless developmental milestones. Six months, sitting, 9 months, pulls to stand, 15 months, are they social, playing with friends, making good eye contact, interacting and offering items to their parents; at the age of two, two word sentences. All of what we assume as being “normal” or “typical” are things we always thought our lives would appear as. While developmental milestones are important items in the life a pediatric resident, the majority of what we do is what I call “band aid medicine.” Temporary fixes in a world with an eternal problem. We have not time for full on self-pity, wallowing in despair, searching for blame, questioning whether or not we are directly responsible for our problems as a result of past sin, or burning with anger against God for our circumstance. Take comfort in knowing that these are normal thoughts, but we do not serve a God whose mind is confined by “normal” or “typical.”
Scripture says, we are but blades of grass, here today and gone the next. In our brevity, we were made to worship. Let me explain. In my 20/20 hindsight vision, I see how a loving God urged me to memorize Psalm 139 prior to our girls’ birth, prior to here and now, at the point where special needs meant just a sorrowful feeling for someone else’s problem. However, I now can rest assured that my girls are “fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together well, and all the days ordained for them were written in His book before one of them came to be. His gracious eyes saw their unformed bodies.” How is this possible? Our God is capable of vision before there even exists tangible form in our minds. “You hem me in, behind and before, you have laid your hand upon me” (Psalm 139:5). He has taken care of the past, present, and future, before they are even thoughts in our minds. But wait, there’s more. Somewhere around 550 BC, In 2 Kings 5, Naaman, a high ranking official, was afflicted with leprosy. Leprosy, a flesh eating skin disease with an associated stigma. The same stigma carried with many afflictions today. It’s that first word that pops into your head experience. Special needs equals “delayed,” “helpless,” “outcasts,” “different,” “pitiful.” Naaman was highly aware of this, and he had heard of a God who has the ability to heal. However, what Naaman represents is our own pride. He is disgraced by the thought of Elisha, asking him, the powerful and important Naaman, to bathe in the dirty waters of Jordan seven times. You see, we don’t even know how to ask for healing even though we know to ask God. Naaman thought he knew how God would heal him. We think we know what will make things better with our children, what the fix will look like. However, the irony of the solution in this story is reflective of God’s redemptive power. He would remove dirt with dirt, just as a blind man would later find out. He cleanses Naaman in the dirty Jordan River. So too, does God have the ability to use our sin to conquer sin itself. We need to look no further than the cross. Jesus, God’s son, crucified by sinners only to be raised from the dead in glorious victory. The best laid plans of an evil world, backfired in the hands of a sovereign God.
We shall not fear because God has power of sin and death itself. Death itself has lost its sting. Whatever ailments we are suffering for a time are just that, only for a time. May we endure and persevere with confidence and joy in our salvation. We can rest assured in our Savior’s arms.
“Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trial you are enduring. All this is evidence of God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God for which you are suffering. God is just” (2 Thessalonians 1:4-6).
May we strive to be counted as worthy for His glory now and to come.
Thank you for reading my wife’s blog, she is truly remarkable.